With football readers currently devouring 2017 NFL Draft predictions and ridiculous mocks faster than Mean Joe Greene once tossed that kid a Coca-Cola, New York Jets fans and supposed pundits everywhere are popping their heads out like Punxsutawney Phil to scream and cry for the selection of the franchise’s most notoriously despised term – a franchise quarterback.
The April event is two weeks away, but we can already confirm that the selection of a quarterback at No. 6 would be a massive rookie mistake for forever-quarterback-deprived Gang Green. Not only would they be admitting Christian Hackenberg in the second round last year was a failure, but they’d be wasting the chance to take an actually great player at a different position at 6 this year. They’d also remove themselves from next year’s quarterback class, which early on smells like a superior crop thanks to Sam Darnold.
Be smart this time around, Mike Maccagnan, and take a talented future over temporary ticket sales.
2017 NFL Draft: 10 Hilarious Better-Than-Another-Quarterback Choices For The New York Jets at No. 6:
10. Someone To Kiss Suzy Kolber
It’s been over a decade since the Internet went nuts over the 2003 interview between former Jets quarterback Joe Namath and sideline reporter Suzy Kolber, but the night literally led to the birth of sports blog love. Long live Kissing Suzy Kolber.
9. Sculptor Emanuel Santos
The much-criticized sculptor of the Cristiano Ronaldo’s statue at Madeira Airport clearly has great hands.
8. Kool-Aid Man
Aggressive shedding of blocks and attacking of holes. That’s what this edge rusher-desperate team needs.
7. Jet Fuel
6. A Fur Coat
Honestly, the last time we were successful – we had fur coats present.
5. The Memory Erase Stick From Men in Black
So many horrible memories, so little time to recover.
4. The Lonely Man Theme From The Incredible Hulk
Remember when former offensive coordinator Tony Sparano left the New York Jets locker room after getting fired a few years back and blew past every reporter like he gave fewer fucks than someone he gives any fucks? For all future departures of the Jets, which there will surely be plenty, David Banner is the answer..
3. Comedian Larry David
At least awkward failure would be hilarious instead of just plain sad.
2. Professional Wrestler Mojo Rawley
You’ve probably seen WWE’s Mojo Rawley (also a former practice squad defensive lineman for the Packers and Cardinals) partying with his buddy Rob Gronkowski, but if not here you go. Long story short, Rawley has the NFL connections and the determination to destroy opponents. He’ll be waiting for your call, Todd.
1. Spanish Comedian-Actor Juan Joya Borja
Best fictional footage I’ve seen since the slicing orange kid.