Hot stoves melting ice, Hall of Fame debates, reminiscences of submarine pitchers throwing nasty curveballs, and funny 2018 fantasy baseball team names. Baseball is back, baby! And we’re Tommy Lasorda beating the shit out of the Philly Phanatic pumped.
But while your trusted buddies are ferociously combing through pages of Top-300 rankings, prospect projections, and trade-impact analyses in preparation of the new season, you’re calmly kicking those feet up, crossing your batting glove-cloaked arms, and warming up that brain for pure creativity. That’s right, as a seasoned vet, you understand that there’s only one key to fantasy victory — choosing from one of the many funny 2018 fantasy baseball team names in existence. As Alice in Step Brothers once vehemently yelled, “Stay gold pony boy.”
50 Funny 2018 Fantasy Baseball Team Names, Ranked
50. Machado About Nothing
The Manny Machado trade talks, that is.
49. Place Your Betts
On the 2018 Boston Red Sox winning the division.
48. Shohei The Money (h/t r/cdrooney)
Shohei Ohtani can tear a page out of Cuba Gooding Jr.’s Jerry Maguire book.
47. The ReEncarnacion
Although Edwin Encarnacion is already incarnated.
46. I Gotta Take A Leake
So do the Seattle Mariners, who traded for Mike Leake last season from the Cardinals.
45. Cashner Ousside, How Bow Dah
Free agent pitcher Andrew Cashner doesn’t like dah.
44. For Whom The Bellinger Tolls (h/t r/teckkiller)
Time marches on for the Los Angeles Dodgers and ’39 home runs as a rookie’ Cody Bellinger.
43. Uncle Tom’s Glavine
Harriet Beecher Maddux?
42. All I Do Is Marwin
No matter what.
41. Fister Pujols (h/t r/sod_off_shotgun)
For the classy folk out there.
40. Up In Thames
Went Eric Thames’ production in the second half.
39. Cuddyer And Fury
Throwback to Michael Cuddyer mixed with Michael Wolff’s new book. But don’t forget “A Streetcar Named Cuddyer.”
38. They’re After Me Lucky Barnes
Not so much after backup catcher Austin Barnes, though.
37. Better Call Duvall
So we’ve got Bob Odenkirk on the Cincinnati Reds.
36. Dumpster Fiers
Mike Fiers and his 5.22 ERA, specifically.
35. Solarte Eclipse
As rare as a Yangervis Solarte dinger.
34. Lorenzo Cain And Able
How about Cain and Mets?
33. Rodon Corleone
Carlos Rodon will give him a pitch he can’t refuse.
32. A Tale of Two Seagers (h/t r/HamiltonHab)
It was the best of times, it was the.. best.. of times.. for Los Angeles.
31. North Correa (h/t r/WormsleyCommonGang)
If stress is your thing.
30. Fade Me Pham (h/t r/wonderless2686)
One doubter, that’s it.
29. Bad And Bourjos
Peter Bourjos has to be a Migos fan, right?
28. Flock Of Seagers
Shitting on opponents everywhere.
27. Giancarlo And Behold
It’s monster time in the Bronx following the Giancarlo Stanton trade.
26. M-m-m-Mookie And The Betts
Never forget Elton John and another Mookie Betts reference.
25. Ron’s Car Washington (h/t r/Magikrat)
Oldie, but goodie.
24. Bitch Better Have Yasmany
Better have my Grandal.
23. Beam Me Up Piscotty
To Oakland Athletics victory.
22. Gurriel Housewives
Of Houston, obviously.
21. Alternative Stats
20. Just the WHIP (h/t r/cjohnson03)
And the ERA.
19. Gallo Hal
Joey Gallo and Jack Black?
18. The Vottoman Empire
When Joey Votto is first among all active players in career on-base percentage (.428), second in OPS (.969), and third in batting average (.313), he can call himself an empire.
17. You Know You Make Me Want To Trout
“Throw my hands up and trout, jump up and trout now”
16. Not Every Masahiro Wears A Cape
But they do wear tight pants.
15. Bird Is The Word
If Greg Bird can stay healthy this year.
14. Latos Intolerant
To Mat Latos.
13. Bryce Harper’s Bizaar
Fashion trends from the best.
12. The Whole 9 Yadiers
The entire thing.
11. The Seven Year Yelich
10. Mancini Shaken Not Stirred
Trey Mancini with the Vodka strong 2017.
9. That’ll Do Puig (h/t r/gbstills)
8. Ohtani And Clyde
Though it’s not really current day robbery with only a $2.3 million signing bonus.
7. Acuna Moncada (h/t r/BoMcJepstein)
Top prospect Ronald Acuna feat. White Sox up-and-comer Yoan Moncada.
6. Billy Beane’s Not My Lover
Though Michael Lewis may disagree.
5. Gregorious B.I.G
See who’s this paging Didi and why.
4. WAR And Peace
Wondering if Leo Tolstoy recorded his books’ wins above replacement.
3. Gurriels Gone Wild (h/t r/sofa_king_future)
Set in Houston.
2. Rhys’s Pieces
Another 29 home runs in 115 games would be sweet for the Phillies.
1. The Hunter Renfroectober
Sean Connery. Alec Baldwin. Hunter Renfroe.
If you believe you were the first to think of any of our funny 2018 fantasy baseball team names, please don’t hesitate to reach out to @theSpleaze for a credit request and we’ll review. Cover photo h/t The Atlantic.