Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles: Hottest New Hit TV Series!

(Last Updated On: September 29, 2017)

With double digit wins in only five of the past 21 seasons since entering the NFL as an expansion team in 1995, the Jacksonville Jaguars haven’t gone through what some might call “smooth sailing.” Truthfully, fans remember a parade of shit, from David Garrad’s 1-year renaissance in 2007 and the eventual corpse of Byron Leftwich to the cringe-worthy play of Trent Edwards and Blaine Gabbert. But Jacksonville finally has their man in strong-armed, hot-girlfriended No. 3 pick Blake Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles.

Blake has been making a group of decidedly average receivers (Allen Hurns and Allen Robinson anyone?) look like fantasy studs and pro-bowlers all year, and it doesn’t look to be stopping there. Or is it the opposite? Are the receivers making the quarterback?! Who knows? What we do know is that the Jags are only two games out of 1st place in the AFC South. Millions of Daily Fantasy Dollars have been won this year by people who chose Allen Hurns and/or Allen Robinson just one week.

Is that worthy of the blue mask of Leonardo, the dual-katana wielding leader of the Ninja turtles? It sure seems that way. We’ll wait to see if Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles starts decapitating bad guys in the near future before making our final judgement on that. In the meantime, at least the team’s fortunes finally seem to be changing – as well as their hollywood resume, which now features star roles in television’s newest hit series, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles.”


Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles meme.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles, in the flesh.

Like the fearless teenage ninja who’s mutant visage has replaced Bortles’ own above, Blake Bortles has proven himself to be a capable, if not extraordinary leader. He may not be the hero Jacksonville deserves, but he very well might be the one they need.

But while he may be piling up fantasy stats and gorgeous league-best long balls to deep receivers, Bortles made history last week for a couple of less-than-productive plays, to say the least.

Per ESPN, “According to ESPN Stats & Information, Bortles is the only quarterback in the last 15 seasons to have two illegal forward pass penalties accepted against him in one game. The only other quarterback in that span to be called for two illegal forward passes in a single game is David Carr against New England in Week 14 in 2006, a game the Texans lost 40-7. One of those penalties was declined.”

Let’s revisit this far-past-the-line monstrosity that happened not once, not twice, but.. actually, yes, twice..


This is no nail-biting step over the line, ladies and gentlemen. This is blatant, “I’m almost five yards past the line” oblivion. For a second-year, much-improved quarterback who’s got 2,952 yards, 22 touchdowns and only 13 picks on the season, one would think the guy can feel a line of scrimmage. On the other hand, he does have a fifth-worst 82.3 quarterback rating to counter his solid production, so we know he DOES turn the ball over and screw things up occasionally.

Fun fact: Peyton Manning has the league’s worst QB rating at 67.6 – my, how times change). If Eli Manning ever sees that stat on his brother being the NFL’s lowest rated passer in 2015, he may overreact like one quarterback in particular..


.. which is probably pretty similar to how he reacted when watching any new episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles or throwing to and then watching Odell Beckham Jr. do what Odell Beckham Jr. does more often than not..


And just to properly close this off, here’s a shot of Lee Corso firing guns because why not?